mental health part 2 (no edits)
I was in therapy. I took medication. I went to church and gave my life to Jesus. How much of this do I get into? The point is that I believed I was worthless with my whole heart, and because of that I allowed people to treat me horribly because on a subconscious level, I believed I deserved it. What's worse than that, I decided that the idea that life was beautiful was sort of a horrible lie that "they" told people. Happiness was really just a cruel trick. Nobody was really happy. Now that depression had shown me how to "wise up" the wool would not be pulled over my eyes again. I would not pursue things like love and joy and beauty because they were all ephemeral any way. (I know this sounds horrible but for me it was the only way I knew to stay safe. If love and feelings hurt, fuck it! I can numb out and do without them.) I did numb out, that was a big part of things for me. Not feeling. Being strong...tough like when I was a kid. I married. G...
