LIES AND MURDER

LIES AND MURDER

" You did what?" Sylvia could hardly believe her ears!

 "I took it, yeah!  So I took it!  But I'll have it back by morning when I get paid!" Neil drew the truth out the way he did.  He offered very little information openly, left her to beg for the details.  This way the burden of responsibility lay upon her for asking, rather than him for telling.  She had to ask the right question or he was under no obligation to tell "What did you do with it Neil?"

"It's in holding..." He said obstinately.

Sylvia looked at him sternly.  His vague answers deserved a knock in the jaw!  But she stayed stone still and stared him down.  He was cornered and he knew it!

"Over at LaGrande's..." Neil finally answered.

"You pawned my wedding ring?"  She could have spit. 

"It won't sell!  It's nothing special."  Silence.

Sylvia was in disbelief. "It was special to me!" 

 She knew why he took it!  They had fought last night because he had forgotten to pay rent for three months and the landlord had come by with an eviction notice. Sylvia had gotten angry at him, so he took her wedding ring and pawned it for the money to pay the landlord. 

This is how it always was, but she had never gotten used to it. "On top of everything!  I can't believe you Neil!"

Even a hint disapproval could bring Neil to rage.  The torment of his inadequacies wrung his mind.  It was bad enough without her constant nagging of his failures to draw attention them even more! The anger built inside him  as she pressed into him.

"Neil!  You sold my wedding ring!" Sylvia protested.

 He waved her off like a fly, "Why'd ya keep it in the glass jar by the sink anyway?" Evidence that she didn't really care for it in the first place.

An easy answer for Sylvia. "So I'd be sure never to lose it. I take it off when I wash the dishes!"

Her rational made her look like a real goody goody.  But he knew the truth. "I noticed.  I also noticed you 'forget'  to put it on when you're done...especially when you're mad at me."

Sometimes she purposely forgot to put her ring on.  She would look at her hand without it, the way the skin underneath was still pale and young and soft.  Think of the past...who she used to be. 

"So did you want me to pay the rent or not?" He put on his coat and hat as if he was off to claim the money back from the landlord.

He was starting to do it.  That thing he did of mixing her up by her own desires and hurts.  

Sylvia protested "It gives you no right to pawn my ring! That was our wedding ring Neil!"

"I've done it before!  But  you never knew cause you take the damn thing off so often! I take it to LaGrande, he gives me the money, and I buy it back the next day when I get my paycheck." It was her own fault for taking her ring off, thought Neil.  No decent wife does that?  

Sylvia felt caught by him.  He's was right, she shouldn't take her ring off.  That's wasn't fidelity! But she knew it didn't deserve for it to be sold! "It isn't right." She retorted.

Neil could see her lose her footing, the guilt was taking hold.  Now was the time to twist the knife, remind her of her place. "My mother always made a vow never to take the ring off her finger that my father gave her. "

Sylvia could feel it, the way he had shifted everything onto her.  Punished for the rent! Punished for the ring this was not her doing! And the reference to his own mother?  A battered and broken woman?  No! Terrible! 

She looked him dead in the eye "And we all know what your father would do to her if she had ever tried to take that ring off!"

Flashes: Belts on his own back!  A crying woman in the corner! A gas fire in the barn, hands that hurt, slurred angry hateful words.  Too far....too far! How could she dare bring him up?  I'm not to blame...I can't be to blame! I'm not as bad as him!  He was a monster!

He punched the wall! Sylvia's heart jumped like it always did in times like this. "That's enough!" 

The children were asleep.  But they wouldn't be for long  if Sylvia didn't calm him down.

 But he knew he had her cornered with the threat of his rage that she had brought upon herself. "You nag me for loosing my job!" 

Now the twisting commenced because he didn't lose his job he was fired for drunkenness...

He continued, listing her accusations. "I Forgot the rent..."

It wasn't just forgetting, it was three months rent.

He was designing something, "I bought myself some beer..."

When there was no money for food...and it wasn't some beer, it was night after night of money spent where it should have gone to  groceries and rent. He redesigned reality: As if he had made simple mistakes and she was an unforgiving tyrant.

 Neil could see his rational take hold of his wife's mind.  His heart beat started to slow.

"It's just never enough for a woman like you is it?  Not until I'm your whipped little puppy huh?"

The final touches would seal the deal, liberate him and villainize her. He had to be careful, crafty, and unexpected. "If you're so unhappy with me, I can't see why you want to wear that damn thing in the first place!  Sounds like you think you're better off off without me!"

With his jacket and hat on, he started out the door...

Again...the weapon of subtlety...the device of not knowing. Would he do something horrible?  What if he did go to the landlord, got the money back and they were evicted? Worse, would he leave? do something rash to himself by his own hand.  It would be Sylvias fault.  Her babies without a home all for being right all for a piece of metal.  She was so stubborn.  How could she have driven him to this...maybe he was right, maybe she was too hard.  Maybe she had gone too far.

"I'm sorry Neil.  What's done is done."  She moved toward him and sheepishly grabbed his hand.  Not for love, devotion sorrow or remorse, but for fear of what he would do to himself or them if she didn't make him believe that he was right and that she was sorry and that she loved him.

"Just stay."  She continued.  It will all work out in the morning."  

He held her right back.  And with her head beneath his chin he relaxed into the idea that she had given her word, her consent and if anything went wrong because of it, the blame would not be his.  So in a way, he was grateful she had found out.

He kissed her head, "I love you Sylv."

Sylvia exhaled deeply. "I love you too."